so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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