You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
