i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
