I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
