Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
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you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
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Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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