Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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