her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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