Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize