Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
