how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
