I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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