i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
