the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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