i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize