She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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