I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
