Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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