I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We have started to decorate penises.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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