I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
