if i can run in heels then i can drive
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
