we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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