haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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