forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
