Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
