Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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