If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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