you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
