This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
