he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
