you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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