We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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