what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You smell like stripper and shame
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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