oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
