I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
