Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
operation have a gay friend backfired
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She told me I should be a condom model.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
