The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
