I think I died a long time ago.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We have started to decorate penises.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
