my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
