Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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