Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
