So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
