Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
