Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize