I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize