Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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