haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
