She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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