At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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