definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
