okay pat passed out under dana's car
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We have started to decorate penises.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
