dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
