using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
