I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
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