Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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