How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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