hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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