we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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