a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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