Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
