the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
