I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
