apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
