I cannot find my penis.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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