Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
