A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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