Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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