I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize