remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
