I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
