I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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