FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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