i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
