I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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