i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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