His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
