life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
