Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
