Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
